He takes a sip of the tea in his hands as he chooses his words. He didn't come here thinking he'd be talking about Izuku. If anything he thought Todoroki wouldn't want to hear that kind of thing.
"He's always been there even at my worst. I couldn't tell you why... but if I'm doing this, he's getting me at my best. That's all there is to it."
Shoto nods his head, agreeing with Katsuki about Izuku being there at people's worst. He always is. "I feel the same way about him." Starts the hero, setting his tea down and pets his majestythecat when he comes into arm's reach. "Not romantically, but he's been there for me even at my lowest and deserves my best." Shoto's mismatched eyes turn up to Bakugo, "But he also doesn't deserve us flailing to figure out what that is. I think..."
He sighs, his eyes stray as he thinks for the right words. If anything they've always both been very direct and realistic people, and that includes with one another. "I think that we're both the same kind of person, you and I, Bakugo." That's not the whole statement but he starts with it. "For different reasons we were both vicious to the world around us and the world around us deserved better. Midoriya changed that. He's never been afraid to correct us before, and I think you're too hard on yourself because of your past. Toge and I promised that if we messed up, did something wrong, or made the wrong choices we would talk to each other about it."
Yes. It does hurt to talk about him, but he can't ignore that it happened, or that it didn't change him for the better. "Maybe something verbal like that would put you at ease. You seem tense about it."
The old Katsuki Bakugou would have snapped that they were nothing alike. But he's listening with a mildly annoyed expression on his features as he keeps his eyes on the top of his tea.
It's Toge's name that gets his eyes flickering up. He definitely didn't come over here to upset Todoroki more and he's studying him to see if this topic needs to change to ensure he doesn't.
Does he seem tense?
Is he tense?
Maybe.
"Didn't come looking for reassurances, Todoroki. There's nothing to reassure. I'm not gonna be that guy to him anymore."
He doesn't talk in possibilities. It's absolutes for him. When his mind is made up, it's made up.
He won't try to be a better person. He will be one.
"I'm not saying it needs to be extravagant. Just... should at least be thoughtful. Firsts are important to him in ways they aren't to me."
Like a first kiss. Which Katsuki kind of ruined for him. And is aware he ruined.
Todoroki only gleans between the line that at least it may have been reassuring. He knows why Bakugo came there and he's not sure about what to do about it. "You aren't, or he wouldn't have chosen you." Be reassured if he likes it or not.
Shoto again is nodding his head, agreeing that he understands it needs to be thoughtful and firsts are important. "I'm sure if anyone, you'll figure it out." He has confidence in him. "I was very happy to hear it, too. I've always wanted you both to be happy with someone after learning it myself, and now it's each other. That solves my worries at once."
"No." Shoto says, looking down toward the floor because he's up in his head, too. "If he hurt you, I'd be upset. I just don't think he will, or if he did I'd be terribly surprised... You and Midoriya are a good match, but I'd not play sides if he did something upsetting to you."
"I don't need you fighting my battles." He sits the tea down. He can tell Todoroki is getting up in his head and nope. "Anyway, tell me about this furball you brought home."
He reaches a hand out towards the cat he's been ignoring this whole time. Offering it for a sniff and waiting to see if he's deemed worthy of a pet.
"It's not fighting them, it's caring about you." If Toge weren't a factor, there may be some very different dynamics around here. However, the cat is brought up, and Bakugo has been deemed worthy. "Thornprick." He explains, "That's his name. He's a very nice cat." He's a gremlin just like Toge. "He likes to be pet on his back." He informs Bakugo, looking a little sadly at the animal. "He misses Toge, too, so having more friends might help him."
Katsuki distinctly does not think about the times they kissed. Nope. A can of worms he keeps shut. Plain and simple. Whatever examining of that he might have done got locked away the moment Todoroki mentioned being interested in Toge.
Instead he's petting a cat. He would say he's not an animal person. But secretly he kind of likes cats?
"Shouldn't be a problem if he stays here. Just gotta keep him away from Pino." And maybe he's also fond of Rody's bird. He bothered to remember her name anyway.
Something that Shoto would talk about if the topic came up. He's not ashamed of it, nor would he ever be. He still has to deal with those feelings for Bakugo every now and again. It doesn't negate how he feels for Toge but he knows something was there.
His eyes are focused on Bakugo's hand smoothing over fur. "I won't let Pino get hurt, that's a given." He also likes Pino and will kill for her, wage wars in her name. "He can stay here with me and if it becomes an issue, I can stay at Toge's place." Todoroki pauses in thought, "Am I supposed to say it's his still? All his stuff is there."
A good question he supposes. One that will probably linger on Todoroki's mind for... who knows how long.
"It's not like it stops being his just because he's not here."
And he feels like exactly the wrong guy to be here. He's not the one who knows how to handle emotions. He utterly failed to help Rody with, presumably, a lot less intense emotions?
He's not Izuku. He doesn't know how to navigate. But Todoroki reached out to him and now he's here so...
"...You're right." It's still his, so he will, as he said, go to Toge's if the cat becomes a problem where Pino is concerned. "I'll keep watch on it for him, keep it clean. Or dust it I guess."
Shoto isn't any better, but having Katsuki there? That helps. It helps a lot. Just him existing so that it doesn't feel so quiet. For having a partner who can't talk for the majority of their communications, it never felt quiet. "Are you sure you want to hear what I have to say? I don't know that it's pleasant... It doesn't feel pleasant."
"Wasn't expecting it to be." He admits, moving from his spot in the chair to come sit on the bed on the other side of Thornprick. Tea is set aside and his eyes are on Todoroki.
Shoto's eyes barely look toward Katsuki when he sets his tea aside. Shoto does not, he takes another small drink of it.
"I have a great many regrets, Bakugo... Foolish ones. Because he would've known how I felt and yet I never could bring the words "I love you" from my mouth." Shoto looks frustrated by that, eyebrows tight together and a frown on his face. "I know he knows. But I didn't say it. Just as much as if I said I loved you, would you know that? That I feel strongly for you? Have I ever given you the indication you're not a precious person in my life? How many people don't know how I feel about them because I was too scared to say it?"
He understands what Todoroki is saying. The regrets he's having. Words left unsaid that maybe never get said now.
How do you help with something like that? It's nowhere near Katsuki's wheel house. He's out of his depths. But as he drops his head back to look up at the ceiling, he already has his reply.
"You're talking about a guy who couldn't use his words to say that kinda shit. If anyone would know without you saying it, it'd be him."
Shoto hadn't realized that he was holding his breath, that there was something he needed to hear and if anyone- the harshest, but most honest of his friends, Bakugo would tell him. Not to hurt him, but not to sugar coat it either. This isn't even something he'd really ask Izuku, maybe say to him, but he wouldn't expect any harsh reality from him if it was there to give.
When that harsh reality is only that Toge would've known, given the fact he didn't use conventional words anyway... The shuddered breath leaves his body and another one drags itself in. Shoto looks like he's pushing his hair out of his face, but the heel of his hand hits at eye-level on the right side. "He's very smart. I've wanted to protect people all my life." Essentially. "And I don't think I've even scratched the surface of how he's done it. I've heard of curse words, but never cursed words, not until him. It's still sometimes difficult to understand entirely, but it wasn't too difficult. He made a whole language to protect people, and so that he could speak to them, too."
Duh. Synopsis king, but he's being sincere at least. "I think he would've been very welcomed at UA."
Katsuki doesn't look. He gives him privacy and dignity in those feelings and he keeps his eyes on the ceiling.
"He would've been a pain in the ass in training. He tossed my ass all over the place when we fought." Which is Katsuki talk for... he was impressed and agrees with Todoroki's assessment.
Excuse Shoto, because that has him smiling softly. "That doesn't surprise me, I think even some of our teachers would have had to be impressed by him." They had a few voice based quirks but... Nothing like Toge's, really. "I think he and Shinso would've gotten along, as well. Maybe even Monoma." Who knows? Not them and not now.
There's a long quiet and Shoto is keeping his tea close. "This tea really is good, Bakugo."
That actually gets a small, if not a little wet sounding laugh. It's only a momentary chuckle, but it feels good to have something be that amusing. "I admit being annoyed by Monoma every so often." Even if he means well, sometimes it's a little much. Then again maybe that's how Monoma feels about him, too.
The silence is nice, just being able to not be alone and not really have to say much of anything. But the offer... Shoto looks a little vexed at first. Like he might not accept. But it's not that. "Maybe for dinner, if it's alright instead?" Life goes on. Toge is not dead, people around here need to eat, and things have to be done. But maybe just a small reprieve from all that.
Todoroki doesn't know what he needs either. Or does he? Because he's coming to settle close to Katsuki, and then thunks his head to the side onto the other man's shoulder. "I don't like being sad, so I won't be, soon. I promise."
This is definitely what he needed. Silence is fine if it isn't lonely. He's had enough of lonely silence his whole life. Or not-so-silent moments laced with violence and sadness. "When I'm not sad anymore, I'm going to find a way to find him."
He shifts so he can loop his arm around Todoroki loosely. He isn't huge on having people in his personal space like this. It's foreign and thus a little bit uncomfortable for him. But he keeps that arm looped and stays where he is.
He doesn't really know what Todoroki thinks he's going to do. But he gets the feeling behind it. He recently had to examine his own feelings and the times he's felt that need to be by Izuku's side. To tell him things that were rattling inside his head.
Even well before he worked out that he loved Izuku--in any sense of the word--he'd had moments he desperately needed to get to his side. Even just to apologize.
So he understands.
"Someone is bringing us here. Maybe through some kind of magic in this world. Not saying it'd be easy to figure out. But that says there's a possibility."
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ninetydegrees
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"Yeah."
He takes a sip of the tea in his hands as he chooses his words. He didn't come here thinking he'd be talking about Izuku. If anything he thought Todoroki wouldn't want to hear that kind of thing.
"He's always been there even at my worst. I couldn't tell you why... but if I'm doing this, he's getting me at my best. That's all there is to it."
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He sighs, his eyes stray as he thinks for the right words. If anything they've always both been very direct and realistic people, and that includes with one another. "I think that we're both the same kind of person, you and I, Bakugo." That's not the whole statement but he starts with it. "For different reasons we were both vicious to the world around us and the world around us deserved better. Midoriya changed that. He's never been afraid to correct us before, and I think you're too hard on yourself because of your past. Toge and I promised that if we messed up, did something wrong, or made the wrong choices we would talk to each other about it."
Yes. It does hurt to talk about him, but he can't ignore that it happened, or that it didn't change him for the better. "Maybe something verbal like that would put you at ease. You seem tense about it."
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It's Toge's name that gets his eyes flickering up. He definitely didn't come over here to upset Todoroki more and he's studying him to see if this topic needs to change to ensure he doesn't.
Does he seem tense?
Is he tense?
Maybe.
"Didn't come looking for reassurances, Todoroki. There's nothing to reassure. I'm not gonna be that guy to him anymore."
He doesn't talk in possibilities. It's absolutes for him. When his mind is made up, it's made up.
He won't try to be a better person. He will be one.
"I'm not saying it needs to be extravagant. Just... should at least be thoughtful. Firsts are important to him in ways they aren't to me."
Like a first kiss. Which Katsuki kind of ruined for him. And is aware he ruined.
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Shoto again is nodding his head, agreeing that he understands it needs to be thoughtful and firsts are important. "I'm sure if anyone, you'll figure it out." He has confidence in him. "I was very happy to hear it, too. I've always wanted you both to be happy with someone after learning it myself, and now it's each other. That solves my worries at once."
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Lately he's had to wonder exactly when Izuku chose him too.
But he's done with that particular topic.
"Yeah? All done trying to threaten both of us on the other's behalf then?" He snorts, reminded of that whole situation. Honestly...
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He reaches a hand out towards the cat he's been ignoring this whole time. Offering it for a sniff and waiting to see if he's deemed worthy of a pet.
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Instead he's petting a cat. He would say he's not an animal person. But secretly he kind of likes cats?
"Shouldn't be a problem if he stays here. Just gotta keep him away from Pino." And maybe he's also fond of Rody's bird. He bothered to remember her name anyway.
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His eyes are focused on Bakugo's hand smoothing over fur. "I won't let Pino get hurt, that's a given." He also likes Pino and will kill for her, wage wars in her name. "He can stay here with me and if it becomes an issue, I can stay at Toge's place." Todoroki pauses in thought, "Am I supposed to say it's his still? All his stuff is there."
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A good question he supposes. One that will probably linger on Todoroki's mind for... who knows how long.
"It's not like it stops being his just because he's not here."
And he feels like exactly the wrong guy to be here. He's not the one who knows how to handle emotions. He utterly failed to help Rody with, presumably, a lot less intense emotions?
He's not Izuku. He doesn't know how to navigate. But Todoroki reached out to him and now he's here so...
"Do you need to talk about it?"
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Shoto isn't any better, but having Katsuki there? That helps. It helps a lot. Just him existing so that it doesn't feel so quiet. For having a partner who can't talk for the majority of their communications, it never felt quiet. "Are you sure you want to hear what I have to say? I don't know that it's pleasant... It doesn't feel pleasant."
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"I'm listenin'."
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"I have a great many regrets, Bakugo... Foolish ones. Because he would've known how I felt and yet I never could bring the words "I love you" from my mouth." Shoto looks frustrated by that, eyebrows tight together and a frown on his face. "I know he knows. But I didn't say it. Just as much as if I said I loved you, would you know that? That I feel strongly for you? Have I ever given you the indication you're not a precious person in my life? How many people don't know how I feel about them because I was too scared to say it?"
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How do you help with something like that? It's nowhere near Katsuki's wheel house. He's out of his depths. But as he drops his head back to look up at the ceiling, he already has his reply.
"You're talking about a guy who couldn't use his words to say that kinda shit. If anyone would know without you saying it, it'd be him."
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When that harsh reality is only that Toge would've known, given the fact he didn't use conventional words anyway... The shuddered breath leaves his body and another one drags itself in. Shoto looks like he's pushing his hair out of his face, but the heel of his hand hits at eye-level on the right side. "He's very smart. I've wanted to protect people all my life." Essentially. "And I don't think I've even scratched the surface of how he's done it. I've heard of curse words, but never cursed words, not until him. It's still sometimes difficult to understand entirely, but it wasn't too difficult. He made a whole language to protect people, and so that he could speak to them, too."
Duh. Synopsis king, but he's being sincere at least. "I think he would've been very welcomed at UA."
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"He would've been a pain in the ass in training. He tossed my ass all over the place when we fought." Which is Katsuki talk for... he was impressed and agrees with Todoroki's assessment.
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There's a long quiet and Shoto is keeping his tea close. "This tea really is good, Bakugo."
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He lets himself flop back fully in the silence. Getting more comfortable here in this room, just... hanging out.
He hums a 'mm' in response to the compliment. "In a little bit I'll be making lunch. You've been doing good on your lessons. You can cut things."
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The silence is nice, just being able to not be alone and not really have to say much of anything. But the offer... Shoto looks a little vexed at first. Like he might not accept. But it's not that. "Maybe for dinner, if it's alright instead?" Life goes on. Toge is not dead, people around here need to eat, and things have to be done. But maybe just a small reprieve from all that.
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"Sure. Or not if you don't feel up to it then either."
He doesn't know what Todoroki needs. All he can do is offer him things and let him take what he needs and leave what he doesn't.
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"You're allowed to be sad, dumbass. Take your time."
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He doesn't really know what Todoroki thinks he's going to do. But he gets the feeling behind it. He recently had to examine his own feelings and the times he's felt that need to be by Izuku's side. To tell him things that were rattling inside his head.
Even well before he worked out that he loved Izuku--in any sense of the word--he'd had moments he desperately needed to get to his side. Even just to apologize.
So he understands.
"Someone is bringing us here. Maybe through some kind of magic in this world. Not saying it'd be easy to figure out. But that says there's a possibility."
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